Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Canada Demystified, eh?

Since I am not going to Vegas, I can't ramble on about how excited I am, how I am looking so forward to the trip...blah blah blah.

So, I decided a totally irrelevant list was in order.


1. It is true. It is physically impossible for me to say a sentence without ending it in 'eh'
2. Yes, I do have cousins by the name of Bob and Doug. No, their last name is NOT McKenzie.
3. Koolookookoo koolookookoo is not in our dictionary, yet we do have fun saying it often
4. I actually do call people hosers from time to time.
5. We can't go to the local store or 7-11 and buy beer/alcohol. We have to go to an actual liquor store for that.
6. Can't start the alcoholism young enough here. Legal age in Alberta is 18.
7. Only people over the age of 50 watch Canadian television.
8. I do not have a sled dog as a pet.
9. I have never worn snowshoes.
10. I have never seen an igloo.
11. Yes, we do have indoor plumbing.
12. On my street right now, there are at least 10 pickup trucks.
13. Is Saskatchewan the greatest waste of space in the world? Yes.
14. Is it ridiculous to own a convertible in Canada? Yes. Do I own one anyways? Yes.
15. We have towns named Moosejaw, Tsawassan, and Skookumchuk. Apparently, you must be drunk to name towns.
16. My city is host to the annual Calgary Exhibition and Stampede, and there are rodeos running constantly in the spring and summer months. I have, however, never been on a horse.
17. Cow-tipping is not, but should be, our National Sport.
18. Our National Sport is Lacrosse. Who the hell plays Lacrosse?
19. Hockey, eh?
20. Americans have Paris Hilton shilling Carl's Jr. We get stuck with Don Cherry as our National Quiznos Sub spokesperson.
21. We do not have Carl's Jr. here anyways.
22. We finally got our first Krispy Kreme franchise in Calgary last year. Way to move into the 21st century, eh?
23. Not all Canadians watch Degrassi Jr. High. (Thanks, Pauly)
24. I do own a cowboy hat. No, I do not wear it.
25. I am amused by your amusement on how we pronounce words. What is that all abooot?
25. Bacon is bacon. Canadian bacon is ham. Actually, Canadian bacon is back bacon. Canadian bacon is also known as peameal bacon. Confused? Us too. That is why we drink beer.
26. The population of my city, Calgary, is 1,000,000. The population of the entire province of Saskatchewan is also 1,000,000. (See #13)
27. There is truly nothing more funny than someone who lives in Saskatchewan referring to someone else as a hick.
28. I don't drink soda, I drink pop.
29. Yes, we do plug in our cars in the winter. No, it is not because they are electric.
30. Roof is pronounced roooooof, not ruff.
31. My local pub does, in fact, serve moose burgers.
32. The plural of moose is not mice. Nor is it meese.
33. Our favorite local pastime is making fun of Saskatchewan.
34. Most Albertans want to seperate and become the 51st State.
35. Our former Prime Minister, Jean Cretien, did not speak either of the two official languages in Canada. Here is proof: "A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven" - Jean Cretien
36. Only people who live in, or are from, certain parts of Eastern Canada care to speak french.
37. Every single time I go to the States, I have to go to a grocery store. I thoroughly enjoy seeing all the product labels printed in only ONE language.
38. Watch Cool Runnings. When the Jamaican Bobsled Team comes out of the airport, that is a pretty accurate picture of our weather.
39. We dont understand how you know what denomination of money you have since all the bills are the same colour.
40. Don't trust a government that names their dollar coin a Loonie.
41. Some seriously drunk person named our two-dollar coin a Toonie. Pretty clever, eh?

Time for a beer.
42. It is always time for a beer