Thanks

So I had every intention of writing a recap of Okie Vegas tonight, but something kept stopping me. I had to dig really deep (and I am really not that deep) only to realize that no matter what I say, no matter which words I choose to describe it - you aren't going to get the true essence of what it is like to actually be there.

How can I describe what it is like to finally meet Surflexus? He is genuinely one of the nicest people you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. He and I go back years and years, and I know his game better than almost anyone's. I was taken aback by his skill at the final table of the tournament, and felt privileged just to be among the top four standing.

Then there is 23Skidoo, who I have known for almost as long yet never met live either. We have had many moments - but there is nothing quite like finally looking your friend in the eye, putting a face to the name, and finally getting that hug that has been coming for way too long.

Maudie deserves her own special section. She was the very first blogger I ever met, way back in 2005, and I love her to death. People are wrong when they say that Ozzie's is Oklahoma's best kept secret - it is this woman.

I am not a vain person, but there is something to be said about waking up on the couch (with no hair done, no makeup, in your PJ's) feeling very insecure, yet surrounded by bloggers who really couldn't give a shit what you looked like, just happy that you were there.

There are those who show up not wanting to leave anyone behind. They have presents or bounties for anyone who happened to make it, regardless of how well they knew that person.

There is also something to be said about someone who has been your wingman (woman) for the past 3 years and forgives all that you may do, causes shit of her own, and carries on without the blink of an eye or the handicap of a very sore ankle.

There are very few people who can take the kind of abuse I deal out at the poker table gracefully, catching exactly what I needed to at the right time, regardless of how donkey my play was...and still give me a hug and not hate me for it afterwards.

There are even less people who can be so humble to not even realize that their little corner of the world is something not only to embrace, but to emulate, and the fact that they are willing to share it with the world (our world) is a true gift to the rest of us.

I don't know many people who can listen to months and months of me spewing on and on about my skill at Guitar Hero, then not only Pwning me at the game, but letting me believe that I really wasn't that far behind. Further to that, I know even less who will sit there and keep me company for hours as I debate about taking a cat named Yoda across International borders, just because I quite simply can't let her go.

Even more rare are the people that you just simply love on sight. He told me to call him Beer Bitch, and though hesitant at first, I quickly warmed up to the title as I realized I didn't have to lift an un-manicured nail to get Any. Damn. Thing. I. Wanted. You had my back, Turd Chaser, and I will forever have yours.

How is it possible to let the rest of the world know that when Double-D sings, there is an angel in heaven who wipes her brow and says "Whew - I have the day off - my work here is done"

How do you describe reading the absolute insanity that is someone's day to day life, knowing there is no possible way to relate, and just hope that you can have a somewhat intelligent conversation with this person, only to find out that he is just as cool and awesome as anyone else in the room?

I am humbled.

I am grateful.

I am in awe.

I am appreciative.

I never knew that I had friends like you, and I am thankful, more than I can express on here, and more than you will ever know. You all rock.

Okie Caviar Is Pure Gold

It was nothing more than a passing comment, but the single most profound statement I heard all weekend was "I'm here to meet my friends." Amidst all the hilarity, the debauchery, and the activity, for a few short moments I sank into a shell of thought and contemplated those words.

There was a time not long ago when we were all imaginary to each other. Nothing more than an avatar on a screen and an assumed personality based solely on what we decided to type into a little chat box that day. Somehow from there we gained familiarity with each other, and camaraderie followed in turn. Friendships developed and relationships formed. Still though, it was all on paper - or more accurately, all on screen.

In what still strikes me as an almost inconceivable notion, as a group we began traveling to meet up with each other across various parts of the continent. Meeting in casinos and hotels, staying in each others homes. Sometimes making upwards of three or four trips a year to see each other. Following each other's lives by what we write in our blogs, sometimes knowing more intimate details about each other than we do our own families or neighbors.

This past weekend I found myself lazing in the sun on the bank of a river in the middle of a country other than my own, surrounded by people who, through any other circumstance or possible reality, I never could have known. There is no conceivable scenario that should have brought a Western Canadian to the middle of Oklahoma State to meet up with twenty or so people from all corners of the continent in the middle of July, but through a fortunate twist of fate it really did happen and I couldn't be more thankful.

It's true what they say - you had to be there, and rather than try to recapture everything that was said and done or places we went and the food we ate, I'm simply going to limit my summary to a few quick words about our host for now, and follow up in a few days with some highlighted moments that have stuck out in my mind. I assure each and every one of you though that I have hundreds more memories of you all (y'all) that I will be carrying around with me for a very long time.

On that note - Gary Darlin - what can I say that hasn't already been said about you? Thank you so much for not only letting us into your home but also into your life and allowing us to share it with you. Everything about your home, your lake, your kids, your wife, your friends, and even your pets is pure gold - just like you. (And please tell Mrs. GCox that I already have a batch of Okie Caviar made in my fridge!)

All I have to say is....

This now belongs to me.

Okie Vegas, here I come. I land in 40 hours!!!!!

Just try and keep me outta your country bitches!

Insanity Ensues

I am beginning to think that I really am a sucker for punishment.

As anyone who reads me will know, my daughter's friend moved in with us a little while ago. It was originally only supposed to be until the end of the summer, but I'm fairly certain we are keeping her for good now. In my mind she is part of the family now anyways.

Two daugthers I can deal with.

Then there is the friend who lives up the street. She is over almost every night, and in turn has taken up semi-permanent residence on our couch.

Fine. Two daugthers and a friend, I can deal with.

About a week ago, my daughter asked if her two friends (who live 3 hours North of here) could come stay with us on Saturday, meaning today. I didn't even really think about it, just agreed, figuring it would be for the weekend. These guys do that all the time, travel between the two cities and hang out at each other's houses for a few days at a time.

Well imagine my surprise then when I returned from driving daughter #2 to work this morning, to find some unknown parents in a minivan unloading suitcases full of stuff onto our driveway. Yes, the girls had arrived, and are staying for 10 days. TEN. Lord help me. Yes, my daugther neglected to pass on that little detail to me.

That brings the house count to six females plus two cats (yes, they are both female too) so I'm already on estrogen overload. Be warned, if you are a male friend of mine, chances are I will be hitting you up on chat a little more than usual throughout this duration as I have a feeling I'll be seeking out a testosterone fix or two here soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update on the new job: it is fabulous. I am thoroughly enjoying it, feel very comfortable there, and am really happy that I made the decision to go back to a structured schedule. Yes, I'm still working 7 days a week, and havent had a day off since May 23rd, BUT - believe it or not - I actually have two days off next week, two days off next weekend, and then five days off for Okie the week after. Wow - talk about a slacker, eh? I don't know how I mananged to get so many days off, but they are very much needed, I assure you.

So other than the Okie trip, what am I going to do with my four whole days off? I'd love to say that I am going to be off doing something fabulous, but the truth is I will be doing nothing more than cleaning my house. It has been seriously neglected since I've been working so much, and it is high time to do something about it. The girls do the day-to-day stuff like dishes and vacuuming, but I still have boxes that need sorting, furniture that needs placing, things that need painting, etc., etc. Rather than dreading it though, I am actually looking forward to getting everything in order, so that is a good thing I suppose.

Sadly though, today is not one of those days that I have off, so I'm on my way in to work now. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

13 days...but who's counting?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, which is good because I am too tired to type:











No, I don't have my passport yet. Yes, I will have it in time.

Really.

Well, I am at least 99.5% sure. (Have to leave just a smidgen of room for err)

Just. Can't. Wait.

I've got nothing

I really don't have much to say today since I just woke up, but thought it was high time I put something on here again.

I rarely post about poker, and even more rarely post screen shots, but this one made me laugh:


Nothing like folding a flopped boat-turned-DQB. That was in the Friday night donkament last night, which I bubbled out of in 4th place.

/pokercontent

I'm moving pretty slowly today as I had a few too many of these last night

while chatting with the IIF's via this:

and this:

Typing in a chat box is sooooo 2004.

The next few weeks are going to be pretty busy for me as I don't have a day off until July 1st (Canada Day) and am frantically running around trying to finalize my plans to go here:



It's going to be tight, but I am still 99% sure that I will be in attendance. I'd like to say that I was 100% sure, but there is still a tiny, tiny chance that I won't be able to pull everything together in time. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I'm off to work (seriously, what kind of sick person chooses to work Saturdays?) but I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Zero to Sixteen in Twenty-Four Hours

While you were all sleeping...

I spawned another child. She weighs in at about 100 lbs, is approximately 5'4", and somehow miraculously just celebrated her sixteenth birthday.

Her first words were: "God, Rime of the Ancient Mariner Rocks"

Pink cigars and bottles of tequila are encouraged.

Thirty-Eight Hours of Bliss

I have an entire day off Saturday.

That may not sound like much to most, but since I haven't had a single day off in over two months (literally) it is absolutely golden to me. Add in this evening and the hours before I have to be back at work Sunday, and you get a total of thirty-eight hours of non-committed time.

Heaven.

Of course, I have a lot of work to do, and probably will end up doing it during that time anyways, but that is something I am not going to think about right now.

So I started the new job this week. It was pretty surreal, considering I found myself back in a cubicle which I swore I would never do again. Even more strange was that I really quite liked it. There are about a million people who work there (very large Architectural Design firm) and enough work to keep me very busy for a long time to come. They are still somewhat defining my long-term role within the company, but for now I am filling the position of Project Administrator. In a nutshell, I push a lot of paper, balance a lot of numbers, edit a lot of documents, and will be attending a lot of meetings.

My only regret right now, especially since I seem to be working for such a forward-thinking company that bases their business on inspiration from the product (architectural design) and the people who work there (and their vision) I'm wishing I was in more of a creative role. I'm somewhat of an artist, somewhat of a writer, and very much a dreamer, and I'd love to be able to incorporate that into what I do day-to-day. My educational background is actually in marketing and advertising, but detail is my thing and that is what this job requires in spades.

Time will tell.

Anyways, I was taken out for lunch earlier this week by the boss from my (now-ending) contract position, and we went to this absolutely fabulous restaurant. Days later I am still dreaming of how good the food was.

Appetizer:

Handmade Gnocchi with Black Truffles and Herbs, served with a side of Parmesan Foam

Entree: Roasted Salmon on top of a Whipped Potato base, with green beans, served with a Saffron & Pancetta Beurre Blanc

Good lord it was amazing. We had two bottles of sparkling water during, finished with lattes, and the total bill was $92 before tip.

~~~~~~~~~~

So I wrote the above last night but apparently forgot to hit publish post, and it is now Saturday morning. Sadly I did wake up at 6am, which was kind of surprising since I was kept up way too late last night by a few highly entertaining people (no fault of my own, of course) but managed to laze around in bed for a few delicious hours before hitting Kat up on the IM.

Her and I made some coffee and played a few token tourneys, had a several-hour-long voice chat (joined eventually by OhCaptain and his hilarious girls) and now I'm off to actually get something done today. My list is long and full of things that are so very not fun, but unfortunately laundry happens and the kitchen doesn't clean itself.

How is it that I can be friends with some of the biggest self-professed geeks in the world, yet none of them have come up with ways to make my house self-cleaning? Sheesh - get on it, guys.

Don't Fall Off Your Chair

Two posts in two days? WTF is up with that, eh?

Me, to my friend today:

Hey guess what? I got another job

Her, to me:

Are you fucking insane?

Yes, that does bring the job count up to six now.

Now granted, one of them ends in two weeks as this new one begins, so really it is still only five. However, the latest one was a little unexpected. I was originally recommended to the new company (which is a major architectural design firm) by a current co-worker, as they needed someone to do contract administration a few days per week for a definitive amount of time. Since it worked well with everything else I had on the go, I agreed to do it and was hired yesterday sight-unseen at a very nice rate of pay.

Today I went in on my lunch hour to complete the required paperwork and meet with them for the first time, and before I left they had convinced me to join the firm as a full time employee. Actually, the exact words of the Project Manager were: "There is no way you are NOT going to work here full time." Nice little boost to the ego, if I do say so myself.

Since my skill set just happens to mesh perfectly with what they currently are in dire need of, we tossed around numbers and finally settled on a figure that admittedly is more than what I expected, and certainly pleases me to no end. The job itself isn't rocket science, but it does require someone with a diversified background that I just happen to have, and in fact, they are kind of creating the position around what I am able to do for them. Since I'm able to cover a bunch of areas, the job itself should stay pretty interesting for a long time to come.

I haven't really made a decision on what I am going to do about the other jobs yet, though obviously I am going to have to scale them all back a bit. Right now I work about 65-70 hours a week between the five jobs, almost always seven days a week. I haven't even begun to reach the point of burnout, but I know that will eventually happen.

The thing is, I can't stand having idle time these days. I have to throw myself into 101 things at any given moment or I go stir crazy. Funny really, since I am by nature the laziest person I know. I can't be bothered with doing "things for me" like shopping (HATE shopping), going to the spa (no interest whatsoever) or the like. My "down time" is when I am actually playing poker with all of you or chatting it up on the radio, but even then I am usually doing a few things on the side. I do have an unnatural obsession with Guitar Hero though, and when I have a few hours with nothing else going on, that is usually what I can be found doing.

Anyways, everything will eventually fall into place. I'm not starting the new schedule for a few weeks, so that leaves me with a little time to figure the rest of it out. In the meantime though, I am so excited I can barely sit still!

Spawn and Speck

Mother's Day came a few days late for me this year, as several of my nine thousand jobs prevented me from being able to celebrate on Sunday. My daughter actually sent me a text message asking if we could arrange to go out for dinner one night this week, so I replied sure, are you paying? She said yeah, as long as I can borrow some money. Needless to say, I got stuck with the bill.

It was worth every penny though, as we went to my favorite restaurant. Her friend tagged along (it was supposed to be three of them all together, but her other friend bailed at the last minute) and as you can see, they dressed up for the occasion:
Yes, those are both Iron Maiden shirts. Would you expect anything less from a child I spawned?

Dinner itself was wonderful though. The restaurant we went to is actually owned by a friend of mine, though sadly I haven't seen him in over a decade. My daughter has met him on a few of her frequent visits there without me, but he always seems to be missing in action when I show up.

We decided to just share a bunch of food, and started the meal with some mixed greens drizzled with a house-made red wine vinaigrette. Following that we had the calamari, which they prepare by crisping to perfection before lightly tossing in a spicy lemon tomato sauce. Our third dish was the Fungi Fritti, which is battered oyster mushrooms topped with a gorgonzola cream sauce. Absolutely incredible.

Now, the thing that makes this restaurant so incredible is that they are one of the few Italian restaurants in the world (outside of Italy) that belong to the Verace Pizza Napoletana Association, a Naples-based group that ensures all ingredients, preparation, and equipment passes their strict guidelines. To give you an indication of what I mean by strict, their massive wood burning oven contains stones straight from Mount Vesuvius - a requirement by the organization.

I don't know how much difference the actual stones make, but the pizza is incredible. Now you have to understand, we are talking about authentic Napoli pizza here - this isn't Dominos. If you like your pizza loaded with toppings and weighed down with two pounds of cheese, this isn't for you. The crust is soft, and just lightly charred (not burnt) on the botttom, resulting in an insanely delicious flavor. The sauce is nothing more than crushed San Marzano tomatoes. You will not find Hawaiian Pizza on their menu - the toppings are all authentic as well. My favorite is the Speck, which is tomato sauce, mozzarella, speck (smoked prosciutto), parmigiano, and basil:


Just trust me, it is amazing. Anyways, we wrapped up our dinner with an order of Tiramisu split three ways, which took all of about 92 seconds for us to demolish. One drink for me and Italian soda for the girls, and the total damage was $90 (including a 20% tip) for the three of us.

The food alone was worth every penny, but since my daughter and I get to spend very little actual quality time together these days due to both of our insane schedules, it was the company that made the evening priceless.

Perspective

This is a story about Nick.

Nick was born 11 days before me, in the same year. I've since found out that he and I were born in the same hospital, and his family moved to Calgary at about the same time as mine did. I've also found out that he and I shared a number of friends over the years, yet we never actually crossed paths that I am aware of. More about him in a minute though.

Twelve years ago this month, one of my very best friends committed suicide. I've written about this before, so for now I'll just say that even though I went to the church portion of her funeral, I never attended the grave-side services. It was months before I was finally able to bring myself to go visit and try to make peace with her passing, but since I didn't know where she was buried, I was resigned to spend the entire day walking around looking for her grave.

If you've ever walked around an entire cemetery, you will know there are little things you learn along the way. The older sections are very grey - there are very few visitors and an ominous feeling hangs in the air. Not twenty feet away, where the more recently departed rest, there is a kaleidoscope of colors, most graves decorated in flowers or ornaments or small tokens in honor of their memory. There is also a lot of dirt, as the grass hasn't always had time to grow yet. Needless to say, within a few short hours and with very muddy shoes, I narrowed down where her plot would be, and finally came face-to-face with the reality of her death. I sat beside her tombstone and talked to her for quite a long time. I had to make peace with her for choosing to leave us all, and though I had never felt anger over her death, after that day I was able to not quite feel as helpless in dealing with it. When I stood up to leave though, something caught the corner of my eye. It was a gleaming white headstone, about four feet tall, and the way the sun caught it I was compelled to go take a closer look.

This is where I met Nick.

As soon as I read his name on the marble, I felt an unbelievable connection. It was as though I had known him my entire life, and I could almost visualize actual memories of him, helped by the fact that there was a picture of him embedded in the marble. He passed away just before his twentieth birthday, ironically in the same month that I had conceived my daughter. His life was ending, and I was bringing new life into the world. I spent a good two hours there trying to make sense of why I felt such a powerful connection to him, but finally wrote it off as having spent too much time around sadness that day and that my imagination was just working overtime.

Over the years though, every time I went to visit Janet, I was compelled to visit Nick as well. I no longer felt as though I was visiting the grave of a stranger, but rather someone that I had once known. I felt as though I was there to mourn his death as well as that of my own friend. Years later, with the help of old newspapers and the internet, I did some research and found out the coincidences about our birthplaces, about our mutual friends, and everything else.

Yesterday, Kat and I were talking about cemeteries, and I was telling her the story about Nick. Today, I was out of the house and all of a sudden knew that I had to go visit again - it had been far too long.

As I pulled into the cemetery, there was a small, old, Asian man walking very slowly, as though in pain, holding a wrapped bouquet of flowers. It was obvious that he still had a long way to go as the graves don't start for quite a distance, plus from experience in walking around the cemetery I know where the predominantly-Chinese section is located and it was far. I pulled over and asked him if he would like a ride, and though he spoke very little English, he climbed into my car and pointed to direct me where to go. Now I'm not really in the habit of picking up strangers and letting them into my vehicle, but under the circumstances, there was no way I would consider doing otherwise.

When we reached the area he wanted, he turned to me and gave me a sad little smile. He reached out and squeezed my hand in thanks, and exited my car. I watched him for a few moments as he made his way through one of the greyer areas of the graveyard, and I could only imagine that his wife had passed away many years before, and that he still made his way out here once a week to bring her flowers. Hers was the only grave that still had color on it for miles.

After making my way back, I stopped by Janet's grave first. I felt terrible that one of my best friend's final resting place is a mere 40 blocks from my house and I haven't stopped by in years. I spent a considerable amount of time at her plot, silently going over everything that I wished I could say to her, filling her in on everything she has missed, and once again making my peace with her untimely death.

Afterwards, I made my way over to Nick. I spent some time there, thinking about this person who I never met, yet had touched me in such a profound way. I had always thought, with every part of my soul, that he and I were destined to meet, yet we didn't. Was it because death took him before that could happen, or was it because we missed out on the opportunity while he was alive - that is what I didn't know and had always dwelled on. It may sound silly, but I honestly believed there was a portion of my life that he should have been a part of - no matter how big or how small.

I was wrong though. I was never really able to put my finger on it until today, and though I still don't have it all figured out, there is some semblance of reason in my mind now. The thought I couldn't shake today, as I sat in front of his grave, was about all the people that I have met through the strangest of circumstance. Since the inception of this blog, I have met over a hundred people in real life who I never possibly could have crossed paths with otherwise. With that comes hundreds of memories to draw upon. Factor in the chats, the games, and the late night phone conversations, and I now have thousands upon thousands of memories that wouldn't have been there had I not taken the time to start this, or gathered up the nerve to make that first trip to Vegas.

For the past twelve years, I had been trying to figure out what Nick represented to me, and I finally realized today that I had it backwards. It was not what he represented to me, it was how I perceived what I represented to him. I had the chance to live my life still. I had the chance to not miss out on opportunity. I had the chance to go out and meet people and experience new things. Looking at Nick, I was looking at myself, and was reminded that I was still able to go out and grasp every opportunity possible. To me, he represents all the people that I actually HAVE met through strange circumstance, that never expected to and really never should have, had my life played out any different.

I've vowed to myself to take whatever chances life presents to me, because I don't want to look back in twenty or thirty or forty years time and have any regrets. I don't want to miss out on any opportunities. I don't want to miss out on meeting those people who have, and will continue to enhance my life.

I want to be able to go visit Nick, and let him live vicariously through me.

Canada Sucks

Highlights of my day so far, and it is only 9am:

- Took me over two and a half hours to drive into work this morning - usually takes 20 min

- Snowflakes are the size of baseballs (no exaggeration)

- I can't see out the window of my office due to a complete and total white-out

- My car has been sitting outside for 10 minutes, and it is completely buried already

- When I stepped out of said car this morning, the snow was up to my calves and the ground underneath was so slippery I wiped out and cracked my head. Bruises are forming as we speak.

Living in Canada sucks.

Finding My Voice

I've been asked repeatedly where the hell I've been for the past year, and though it isn't an easy one to explain, I'm going to try to do my best. This post has been a long time coming, and I've written and re-written it dozens of times. The short answer is - I've been busy. Yes, I know, we are all busy, but trust me when I say that working an average of 70 hours a week and raising my daughter alone has pretty much taken all my time lately.

That is only part of it though, the other reasons involved are where it gets more complicated, and are where this explanation begins. The truth of the matter is, the past few years have been the most difficult years I have ever had to face in my life. I'm not interested in crying a swan song or getting into every single detail, but I have had to set aside an enormous amount of time to heal, mend, rebuild, and rediscover myself. I chose not to bring anyone along for that ride, and though in hindsight I see now that may have been a mistake, it was simply how I needed to deal with it at the time.

Four years ago I got married. From the day we walked down the aisle on though, we never actually lived together again. Honeymoon was over instantly. His work was out-of-province or out-of-country, and he was constantly traveling from one destination to another. Anyone who has actually read my blog in it's entirety will see various references to multiple planned moves that never happened. We had secured places in Toronto, Vegas, and Jersey, and for one reason or another each one of these deals fell through. When you spend two years planning to move at a moment's notice, you are never really able to settle into your life where you are at. When home no longer feels like home, and the person that you chose to spend that life with is no longer there, well....I'm sure you get the picture. Don't get me wrong though, I was certainly not without fault during this time too, but for these and many other reasons, things eventually came to a head and we separated two years ago this month.

Throughout this duration, I slowly slipped into a depression. I hate using that term, because most people instantly mistake it for what it wasn't. I was not suicidal, I did not walk around crying every day and I wasn't miserable all the time. It was deeper than that on a lot of levels, but on others it was very superficial. I'm generally on quite an even keel, but throughout this time period I didn't know what "even" was. I lost my sense of self, only to emerge afterwards wondering if I ever really knew it to begin with. My entire life I felt like I was something to everyone else - a daughter, a mother (at a very young age), a sister, a girlfriend, a wife, an ex-wife. I finally realized I had no idea what my own identity was, and I needed to take some time to figure it out.

Unlike some others who have gone through some very tough times and have worked through it by blogging, I found that I had nothing to say. It wasn't the same as having writer's block, I simply found that I had lost my voice. Nothing really mattered anymore. I had no opinion on anything. I couldn't have told you if I liked a, b, or c, what I thought about current events, or if I preferred steak or chicken for dinner. There was simply nothing there. I more or less coasted for many, many long months, believing that one day I would snap out of my funk, but not being able to see an immediate end to it.

Those who know me well know who I truly am. I have an enormous lust for life, passion, and friendship. I'm very outspoken, have many opinions, and am a type-A personality who needs to work around the clock. I work hard and play harder. I never minded surviving on just three hours sleep each and every night, so long as I didn't miss out on anything the next day. Well, for several years, I missed out on just about everything. I slept for about 12 hours a night and had no energy to do anything the next day. I figuratively pushed the same piece of paper around on my desk until I finally felt like I had accomplished something, and then called it a day.

This past September though, something snapped. I had one of those life-defining moments that I had previously only read about. I literally packed up my depressed state, threw it out the window, and moved on with my life. I found I couldn't work enough. I took on every opportunity that came my way, and I started to actually live again. I had boundless energy, and even better than "finding" myself again, I discovered a whole new me. I am now not only at the point where I am happy, I find that I am ecstatic just to wake up every day and see what is in store for me. I'm in a very good place in my life right now, and though it certainly isn't where I ever expected to be, it is fulfilling in many unexpected ways.

Though my "return" has been slow, I've started to reconnect with those online that I had left behind. It has been a long process, and I still haven't got around to everyone, and for that I have many regrets. I'm working my way around the board, so to speak, but just know that I truly have missed everyone more than you can know.

/life story

Now, I said I was opinionated, and here are my two cents regarding the current state of dissension in our little blogging world. You have to know - these are the people who have been my sounding board through the toughest times in my life. These are the people that - each in their own way - have enhanced my life beyond belief. These are the people who have stayed up late with me while I was upset and listened to every word I needed to get out. These are the people that I have traveled thousands upon thousands of miles to go see, even if I only got to spend five minutes with them one-on-one. These people, each in their own small, huge, or indirect way, are the ones that helped me get through this all. There are those that completely refused to let me fade out of the blogosphere all together, and there are those that never forgot the little things like sending me a quick email to wish my daughter a happy birthday. There are those that truly rock my world, and there are those that I know I will still be friends with in thirty years time. If you have not yet realized how much this fucking community of people truly rocks, then you probably will never get it. Stop bitching about the quality of play in a $10 MTT, and start appreciating what you are a part of. This is beyond anything that any of us ever could have hoped for or expected, so enjoy it and quit yer bitchin!

Maybe now sleep will come

I'm back, bitches! (There ya go VinNay, that was for you!)

Where to begin.

Yes, I'm aware I haven't written on here in over a year. I suppose when people come up to me and can literally quote my last post word for word, it is high time to put something new up. I'll say more about my extended absence a bit later (or maybe in a few days), but for now I have far more entertaining tales to tell.

Two words: Eh Vegas

I'm writing the first part of this while sitting in the Toronto airport on the departure level, missing everyone so much already. I've been thinking about the past four days and can't help but sit here with a smile on my face. Such is usually the case when you have had one of the best times of your life. Again.

I rolled into town on Thursday afternoon after my flight was delayed by an hour. Kat was still at work and no one else was expected in until Friday, so I took my time catching a ($65) cab and making my way to her place. I hadn't seen Kat since New Years 2007, when her and Hunny Bunny traveled to Calgary to visit me her brother and his family. There is nothing quite like that moment when you see someone again for the first time in over a year. Time instantly slips away and it really does feel like it was just yesterday that you saw them last.

Since her and I were both exhausted, we decided to grab dinner, pick up a box of cookies, and simply stay in and watch a movie. It was exactly what I needed, especially since I was still trying to shake off a lingering cold from the week before.

Friday morning I woke up surprisingly refreshed at the ungodly hour of 6am Toronto time (which for me is actually 4am - so early it's almost criminal) but I had the exquisite pleasure of stepping into Kat's morning routine for a moment. Freshly ground free-trade coffee, some of the finest quality beans you can find, brewed to perfection and served to me on the couch before I could even find my way out of the blankets. Prepared and delivered by the incomparable Hunny Bunny, of course. (For those of you not in the know, HB actually gets out of bed each and every morning that he is home, and makes Kat this amazing coffee for her to enjoy before getting up and starting her day. This is even on days when he doesn't have to be up for hours. Now THAT is dedication! You are one lucky girl, my friend.)

Anyways, Kat had to go to work, and when she was finished we packed up and went to check into our hotel. Fortunately there wasn't much of a wait before the Tuckfards called us, and we decided to meet in their room, which was in a different hotel just a quick three blocks away.

I hadn't met any of the Tuckfards before, either live or online, but as you all know that doesn't mean a damn thing when it comes to this group. Within minutes we were hugging, laughing, drinking, and telling stories as though we had been friends for years. Very, very cool.

We were actually all just hanging out and killing time before the rest of the crew showed up - expected still were Al, Riggs, CK, Irongirl, VinNay, and Iak, but we got too hungry to put off dinner any longer so we headed to a nearby Italian Restaurant. The food was quite good, but the dinner conversation was priceless. After I watched Astin polish off a sinful-looking slice of chocolate mousse cake, we all headed back to the hotel room for more drinking while we waited for the rest to show up.

There is a moment when every blogger gathering seems to really begin, and for this one it was the moment Al and Co. strolled into the suite. The vibe instantly changed, the voices got louder. We had the appetizer, now it was time for the main course.

Now, if you really don't know how out of the loop I've been for the past year, I can sum it up by saying that even though I knew who CK was, I had no idea she was Asian. Or Jewish, for that matter. Little, Yellow, Different indeed. I adored her on sight. (Herro? Herrroooooo!) Same as Riggs. It is impossible not to like this man - he is the guy that you see in the bar that has crowds of people around him laughing at all times because he is just that damn hilarious. I could go on and on about every person who was there, but let me just say that there wasn't a single one in the bunch that I wouldn't want to hang out with on a regular basis.

Drinking and talking continued until security showed up at the door strongly suggesting we take the party elsewhere, though they seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face while kicking us out. Can't say I blame them, as I can only imagine what it is like to watch this group from the outside looking in. Since staying there was no longer an option, we decided it was high time to make the hike to the Brass Rail (strip club) so we took our leave.

As I'm sure you've already read elsewhere, the highlight of the Brass Rail was watching Riggstad's face as he emerged from an extended trip into the private lap dance room, stating that he couldn't believe how expensive lap dances were in Canada. No Riggs, $180 is not for one dance. That would be because you stayed in there chatting her up for nine consecutive songs! Besides that and the other hilarity that ensued among the bloggers, the strip club was pretty much a wash. The dancers were unbelievably unenthusiastic, the music wasn't really all that good, and to be honest, they weren't even that great to look at. I'm not exactly a connoisseur when it comes to dancers, but really - a little effort would have been nice.

At this point most of us called it a night. I've heard rumors that some of the boys stumbled around Yonge Street for a while, but Kat and I headed back to the hotel for some much needed rest.

Saturday Irongirl, Kat, CK, and myself decided to have a girls afternoon down in the distillery district where we feasted on brunch, cocktails (Caesars - my personal favorite that I have now got CK hooked on) and the best damn chocolate around, which was followed by some window shopping and general female bonding. Therapy, as I called it. I hang out with men far more often than with the ladies, but these three I could spend countless hours with. We are all very different, but I think that is why we got along so well.

Afterwards Kat and I had to do some mad dashing around town to pick up last minute supplies for the dinner at Astins, which included my first ride on a Toronto subway, a whole lot of walking, picking up cupcakes, and a trip to her school to grab a dozen or so chairs. Not such an easy feat to balance all this when you are riding the transit, so we finally broke down and called a cab to get us to our destination.

Arriving at Astin's place, you can't help but be impressed. Without getting into details, let me just say that he obviously takes a lot of pride in his home and it shows. In fact, I can sum it up by saying that even with the dual distractions of Guitar Hero on TV (my favorite game) and the enticing smell of roasted elk drifting out of the kitchen, I had to take time to give myself a little tour of his place. Very, very nice.

We tried to lend a hand with the final preparations, but he really did have it all under control and soon we were feasting on the most amazing soup I've tasted since...well, I can't remember ever having soup that delicious before. It is true when someone said that you could almost hear a pin drop when we all tucked in, followed by a collective sigh of appreciation before the expletives starting rolling. "Holy fuck this is amazing" was uttered many, many times as I recall. I'm sure you've already seen the pictures so I don't need to go through every course, but the entire meal was absolutely phenomenal. The elk was cooked to perfection - certainly the highlight for me, as I am a meat lover more than dessert or anything. Thanks again Astin - that meal will be very well remembered for a long, long time.

After dinner we were off to the poker club. It is amazing how much fun a three-block walk can be. (Actually, for the record, they told us it was only three blocks, but it felt more like seventeen or so. Am I alone on this?)

Along the way several things happened:

1. We decided that this was part of Astin's master plan to win the tournament - stuff us all so full that all we wanted to do was nap and couldn't focus on our cards
2.) We learned to stay far, far away from guys on the street who have way too much money and are packing heat
3.) Even after eating half of a side of elk, Riggstad can still be enticed by the thought of Chinese Food
4.) Residents of Chinatown don't even blink when a whole procession of crazy people are walking up the street yelling BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The tournament. What can be said that hasn't been said already? I was bubble girl. I finished in 4th place, killing my hopes that Kat, CK and I would fill the top three places. Huge congrats to Matty who brought a stellar game to the table, as well as knocked me out when my AQ failed to improve against his pocket 7's. Also huge congrats to mah girls who very much deserved their finishes in the money. I'd also like to extend my apologies to Pebbles for knocking her out - she played a brilliant game, but thank you so much for the bounty. It is sitting in a place of honor in my house, I assure you!

Afterwards we played a little cash game, and at 1:45am it was just Astin, Kat and myself left. Preparing to leave, we finally received a call from Iakaris, who had just made it into town and was only 5 minutes away. Yes, this is how the Doc rolls. We only got to spend a little while chatting with him, but it was certainly one of the highlights of the weekend for me. I've wanted to meet him for a long time but it seems like we always end up at opposite blogger events. Great to finally meet you Iak - next time it has to be for longer!

Sunday was a mix of emotions for me. On one hand it was very sad as half of our crew had already left - the Tuckfards had to head home for a live game they had scheduled, and we were already missing them. On the other hand I was elated. It was my birthday, I was spending it with some of my favorite people in the world, and I was heading to Niagara Falls for the first time in my life. I got to spend some quality time in the Man Truck with Riggs and Al on the way up which was awesome, and once we arrived at the casino drinks and toasts flowed freely. VinNay finally made it in as well, and it was great seeing him again. Certainly one of my favorite people from the last gathering I attended, so the day just kept getting better and better.

It was a good two hour wait before I finally got my seat at the poker table, directly to Al's right, no less. As I'm sure you can imagine there were many, many highlights considering we sat there for a good five hours and he single-handedly ensured the entire table was kept well lubricated, but my favorite moment was when Al and I went head to head in a hand, only to find out that we were both playing the hammer. He even managed to get me to fold mine after a flurry of bets and raises. Well played, sir. The other moment that really stands out in my mind was when I played (and won with) the Asian Jew and proceeded to yell it across the room to CK, to the horror/amazement/shock of the rest of the room.

There are so many more moments that I wish I could have captured on film or on paper as they happened, and even as I write this I keep remembering other small details that made the weekend even more amazing, but there just isn't enough time to recap them all.

I'd like to extend my utmost gratitude to Kat for putting this all together, changing the date to accommodate my birthday (yes, it really is my fault you were all here in winter rather than early spring) and for letting me stay with you. You are certainly the hostess with the mostess, and I love ya.

To everyone else who was there, it was a spectacular weekend and I can't thank you enough for everything you all did - which really was just being yourselves. That alone is more than enough and I am truly privileged to be able to call you all friends.

I will be back, sooner rather than later, as there is much to tell from the last year. Real life kind of smacked me in the face and by necessity has taken a front seat for a long time now, but I am working hard to get back on here more often again. I hope to catch up with you all soon.

Sleep Wont Come

It is 1:00am. I went to bed an hour ago, but tossed and turned enough that I finally convinced myself I may as well get up for a little while. I can't seem to shut my mind down tonight, even though I have to leave for the airport in less than 4 hours.

I really feel like a kid on Christmas Eve listening for Santa Claus. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. It's not just that I get to see some of my old friends again, it isn't just because I get to meet some of the newer ones live and in person. It isn't just because I love Las Vegas and really, that alone is enough to keep me awake at night. It is all these things, and so much more, combined.

I will see you all tomorrow night - hope everyone has a safe trip in!

Oh and by the way, congrats to 23skidoo for placing 6th in the 25k at FT tonight! Glad I was awake to see your finish!